Unfortunately when I was given a ride from Ushuaia to Puerto Williams the yacht pulled up alongside Captain Man-Child.
I was glad to see the girls had made it in one piece: apparently they had been very seasick during the trip.
As soon as we had pulled up the Russian girl saw me and started pestering the Captain who had given me a lift with a bombardment of questions about oil, food etc.
I was quite embarrassed.
Furthermore, before me saying anything to anyone else in port, Captain Man-Child already had made a reputation for himself. One of the more experienced Antarctica Captains, (who understood German), took one look at him and decided he was crazy.
He mentioned to me, that Man-Child and his yacht, reminded him of three other yachts that had journeyed to Antarctica during his 15 years of working down there. Two are now on the bottom of the ocean, and the third had to call for help.
We shall see…
But when I arrived here, things had changed. I don’t want to spend all summer looking for another ship. I’m deeply homesick. I want to go home. But I’ve come so far and want closure on this seven year journey.
I don’t want a reason to return to Ushuaia.
I’m taking a paid trip on a yacht to the ice, not cheap for me, and after be going home to Australia to look for work and paying my very understanding and amazing mother back.
I’ll have a true white Christmas, and then I’ll fly home new years and spend summer with my family and friends at home.
Dreams can change. I’m not giving up, I’m not a failure. I’m simply taking another path. Its not the original dream but I am not the same person as the girl who arrived in Ushuaia the first time.
And really, what’s another years work, when its been seven years, and three ships falling through for me, to see the ice?
I am stronger than anyone down here will ever know, returning to a place where my nightmares began, a second and third time, is the bravest thing I’ve done.
At the start, achieving dreams is relatively easy, thanks to beginners luck, where the universe will deliver. And I think, sometimes if its not your dream, things fall into your lap.
But for me, a master dream, starting seven years ago, one that didn’t come easy, turned into a nightmare, into a dark night of the soul, that spanned three years. Seeing the ice will represent the end of this long night, even if my soul sees many days now.
If I had made it to the ice the first time, I never would have discovered Puerto Williams and met all the people there which changed my entire trip to South America.
So you see, the future can influence the past. Because when we understand the present happenings of the future, the past also comes into clarity.
“Make your dreams longer than your nights” ~ Captain Laurent